How to Make Hard Decisions You Won’t Regret
Making hard decisions is something we all face - whether it’s changing careers, ending or beginning a relationship, moving to a new city, starting a creative project, or choosing between two paths that both matter to you.
If you’ve been searching for help in making hard decisions, chances are you’re not looking for a rigid framework or a productivity hack. You’re likely looking for clarity. Relief. A way forward that feels aligned rather than forced, confusing, or scary.
I strongly believe decisions are rarely just logical puzzles to solve. They’re invitations. Invitations to understand yourself more deeply, to reconnect to your values, and to move forward in a way that nourishes rather than drains you.
Clarify Your Values & Guiding North Star
When you’re unsure how to make hard decisions, the first place to look is not the options in front of you, but the compass within you.
A decision feels hard when:
The options pull on different parts of your identity
The consequences feel significant
You’re afraid of loss, regret, or disappointing someone (including yourself)
You’re unclear about what truly matters most to you
Before analysing pros and cons, pause and ask: What do I actually value?
Why Values Matter in Decision-Making
Let’s clarify first. Values are pillars of your identity, character, vision, childhood, and core self. You may not have even been aware of it, but your values have guided your decisions your entire life.
A value is deep:
Freedom
Family
Creativity
Connection
Honesty
Contribution
Kindness
Community
Health
Stability
Adventure
Integrity
When you don’t clarify your values, you may choose based on:
Fear
Social pressure
Short-term comfort
External expectations
Comparison
That’s often why decisions feel heavy. You’re trying to optimise outcomes without anchoring into meaning.
Research in behavioural psychology suggests that when people make choices aligned with core values, they report higher long-term satisfaction - even if the decision was initially uncomfortable. Values alignment reduces internal conflict.
A Gentle Practice to Clarify Your North Star
Instead of rushing into analysis, try this:
Imagine yourself five years from now.
You’re living a life that feels deeply aligned.
What qualities define that life?
Calm?
Fulfilling?
Spacious?
Creative?
Impactful?
Write down 5 to 7 words that describe the vibe of that future.
These words are clues to your guiding North Star.
Now ask yourself:
Which option brings me closer to these qualities?
Which option pulls me further away?
Notice we aren’t asking which option is easier or safer. We’re asking which one aligns better.
Common Mistakes When Clarifying Values
When making hard decisions, people often:
Confuse values with societal expectations
Choose based on who they “should” be
Over-prioritise others’ comfort over their own truth
Ignore the body’s signals
These are ways to end up with misaligned values, and further confusion. I highly recommend honouring your truth - what your body is telling you and what your heart is telling you. Tune out the voices of other people as much as you can.
If You Feel Burnt Out or Overwhelmed
If your nervous system is exhausted, clarity may feel inaccessible. Of if you’re an overthinker, trying to better understand your values may be feeling like too much.
In that case:
Rest first
Create space
Step away from pressure
Journal gently
Take a slow walk without headphones
Make a hot cup of tea
Talk to a trusted friend or loved one
Stretch
Avoid screens for a day
Clarity emerges a lot better when there’s breathing room. You don’t have to force your North Star into view. You can let it bubble up to the surface gently, without forcing it.
This is key. If you ignore what your body is telling you, you’ll be pouring from an empty cup. And that only ends up hurting you and the people around you. I highly recommend replenishing your cup whenever you feel it needs attention and care.
If you’re looking for a feel-good way to help you make hard decisions, join our LIVE 8-week online group journey Living The Questions to process your feelings and questions in a supportive, judgement-free environment, using different art practices as the medium.
Set a (Reasonable) Deadline
One reason hard decisions feel harder than they need to be is because they linger. On and on, over months and months.
When you don’t set a timeframe, your brain loops endlessly:
“What if I regret it?”
“What if something better comes along?”
“Maybe I need more information.”
“Maybe I should wait.”
Indecision drains energy. Research on decision fatigue shows that prolonged indecision increases stress and reduces clarity. It keeps you suspended in ‘what if’s, which only drains you over time until you end up exhausted. Your mind basically keeps reopening the case, or rather, keeps it open for a prolonged time.
And when that happens, you’re more likely to start making decisions you won’t be happy with later on.
I recommend setting a reasonable deadline (one that feels genuinely doable) to give yourself a cut-off point. Assuming you won’t receive any news or information that may affect the decision, consider setting a one or three month deadline (depending on the magnitude of the decision).
Doing this:
Reduces mental rumination
Encourages focused thinking
Creates momentum
Restores a sense of agency
But here’s the key: it must be reasonable.
How to Choose a Deadline Without Creating Pressure
Ask yourself:
When does this decision actually need to be made?
Is there a real external deadline?
If not, what timeframe feels supportive rather than stressful?
For example:
Career change: 6 to 8 weeks
Major relocation: 4 to 6 months
Smaller decisions: 48 to 72 hours
Write it down. Honour it. Make plans accordingly.
About halfway through your decision window, I recommend asking yourself:
What is my intuition whispering? Am I listening or ignoring?
Which option keeps returning to the forefront?
What fear is loudest?
You don’t need to silence your fears (or try to). Just recognise it, sit with it, and listen to what it’s telling you.
Identify Your Highest Leverage Options
Not all of your options are equal. Some may have higher leverage than others, which just means more of a benefit to you.
When exploring how to make hard decisions, it’s helpful to ask: “Which choice creates the greatest long-term growth, alignment, or opportunity?”
This is leverage. And if you’re someone who wants to maximize the benefits from their decisions, then this is key for you in making hard decisions.
What Is a High-Leverage Decision?
A high-leverage decision:
Opens unexpected doors
Builds valuable skills
Expands your network
Strengthens your identity
Creates new, invigorating momentum
A low-leverage decision:
Maintains comfort
Keeps everything the same
Minimises risk
Avoids tough emotions
Neither is inherently wrong of course, but being conscious of the trade-offs matters. Especially if the decision you’re trying to make is a permanent, irreversible one (like having kids).
For example, if you’re at a career crossroads, you can look at it this way:
Option A:
Stable job
Predictable salary
Low stress
Limited growth
Option B:
Slightly unstable
More creative autonomy
Learning curve
Potential for long-term fulfilment
The hard part isn’t necessarily choosing. It’s more so tolerating uncertainty.
Often, when we search for the best ways of making hard decisions, we’re really searching for certainty. But more often than not, the highest leverage lives in calculated risk.
Ask yourself:
If this works out, which option has the bigger upside?
If this doesn’t work out, can I recover?
This reframes fear and uncertainty so that they feel less scary and more doable.
Keep in mind that not everything that looks impressive is aligned with you, your values, and your long-term goals.
Don’t forget to think about:
Am I choosing this because it impresses others or is what’s expected of me?
Or because it nourishes me and the things I want?
High leverage without alignment often leads to confusion, unfulfillment, and stress. We don’t want that for you! Again, try to tune out others’ voices around you.
The 10-10-10 Framework
A well-known method in decision psychology is the 10-10-10 rule:
How will I feel about this in 10 minutes?
10 months?
10 years?
This shifts perspective beyond immediate discomfort or short-term effects, which is helpful because decisions stack on top of each other over time.
Often:
10 minutes = anxiety
10 months = growth
10 years = gratitude
Looking for a new way to help you make hard decisions? Join our LIVE 8-week online group journey Living The Questions to process your feelings and questions in a supportive, judgement-free environment, using different art practices as the medium.
Understand There’s No Perfect Decision
One of the biggest obstacles in making hard decisions is the myth of the perfect choice. There isn’t one. There’s no 100% perfect, no stress, no uncertainty, no risks, no downsides choice. No matter how much we wish there was!
Every path involves:
Gain
Loss
Trade-offs
Unknowns
Psychologists call this “maximising” vs “satisficing”.
Maximisers try to find the absolute best possible option and often experience more regret. They often spend a lot of time trying to make the best possible decision. Satisficers choose an option that meets core criteria and then move forward with peace, satisfied that their choice is ‘good enough’.
In other words, perfectionism keeps you stuck. If this resonates with you, I highly recommend working with a mental health therapist to dig into where this comes from for you and how you can begin to shift thinking patterns out of perfectionism.
The Cost of Waiting for Certainty
Waiting for total clarity often means:
Missing opportunities
Losing momentum
Staying in situations that no longer fit
Eroding self-trust and self-confidence
Sometimes the decision itself builds clarity. Waiting to feel extremely confident and comfortable with a decision often means you’ll be waiting a long while! Trust me. It’s better to make a satisfying decision sooner than wait to try to make the ‘perfect’ decision later.
Regret Is Part of Growth
It’s possible to feel regret and still have made the right choice. Sometimes we mourn the things we missed or lost out on - that’s totally normal.
Growth often involves:
Letting go of one identity
Releasing one dream
Mourning a version of yourself
That grief doesn’t mean you chose wrongly. It just means you cared deeply, which is a beautiful and strong thing. You should be proud of yourself for making decisions and moving forward, even when they felt scary or anxiety-inducing.
Be Aware of Your Logic & Emotions
Many people approach how to make hard decisions as a battle between logic and emotion.
In reality, both are essential and interwoven. No one is 100% a logical person, or 100% an emotional person. Every human being uses both in decision-making.
Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio found that people with impaired emotional processing struggled to make even simple decisions. Emotion isn’t the enemy of rationality - it guides it.
When Logic Is Leading Too Much
Signs:
Endless spreadsheets
Over-analysing minor details
Paralysis despite “good” data
A million pros and cons
When Emotion Is Leading Too Much
Signs:
Impulsive decisions
Avoiding discomfort
Choosing relief over alignment
Reacting rather than reflecting
A Balancing Practice
Take two sheets of paper.
On one:
Write your logical reasons.
On the other:
Write how each option feels in your body.
Notice new feelings of:
Tightness?
Expansion?
Heaviness?
Lightness?
Your body often knows before your mind realizes and agrees. So the goal isn’t to eliminate emotion or override logic. It’s to integrate them to make better decisions.
Imagine Yourself Having Already Made a Decision
Sometimes the fastest way to understand how to make hard decisions is to imagine the decision has already been made. Leading science tells us that picturing different scenarios is extremely powerful to discover how you want to move forward.
Close your eyes. Sit up straight. Unclench your jaw. Take 3 slow, deep breaths.
Picture:
You’ve chosen Option A.
It’s done.
There’s no turning back.
Notice your immediate reaction.
Relief?
Disappointment?
Excitement?
Dread?
Your first response is information.
Now repeat with Option B. And C, and so on.
This design-making technique bypasses overthinking and accesses intuitive clarity. It may even be helpful to take this a step further by creating a vision board. This is a tool to better visualize certain possible futures (what are you working towards and what do you want more of in your life?).
Is This Decision Permanent or Reversible? What Are the Stakes?
Many hard decisions feel heavier than they actually are because you haven’t clarified whether it’s a permanent type of decision or a reversible one. This can help release a ton of pressure to get it right.
Of course, permanent decisions inherently have pressure but if you thought something was more permanent than it actually is, it’s a happy surprise!
Ask yourself:
Is this reversible? How reversible?
Can I pivot later?
What is the true worst-case scenario? How would I navigate that?
Most decisions aren’t permanent.
Things like career shifts, relocations, relationships and creative projects - these can evolve.
On the other hand, irreversible decisions (like certain medical or legal commitments) require much deeper reflection. But even then, we often overestimate permanence.
Clarifying the stakes in the decision-making process helps reduce unnecessary fear, pressure, and potential overwhelm.
So if you’re navigating a hard decision right now, pause.
Place one hand on your chest.
Breathe.
You are not behind.You are not failing.You are simply in transition.
Hard decisions are often thresholds. They ask us to grow into a slightly braver version of ourselves.
If you want to try a new way to help you make hard decisions, join our LIVE 8-week online group journey Living The Questions to process your feelings and questions in a supportive, judgement-free environment, using different art practices as the medium.
Because learning how to make hard decisions isn’t about becoming 100% certain.
It’s about becoming aligned.
Hi there, so lovely that you're here! Looking forward to connecting with you. - Nora
